Dom's Birthday

OK so last night was one of those times you end up having a mini meltdown over what turns out to be nothing very much at all. Luckily, I woke up fresh and calm and happy, and am once again ready to face the world in a much less melodramatic manner!

However one thing I did realise is the foolishness of hiding things from people who may just know me better than I think they do. Number 1 is the fact that yes, up until maybe today, I was giving this God stuff a good go. Turns out it wasn't really that conducive to my mental health. Aside from the initial 'ooh, am I *actually* believing in something..?' excitement, it was a traumatic struggle, a severe mental test and increased my guilt by about 100% (and really, I do not need any more guilt). Honestly, I had not realised how far I'd gone, it was so gradual and quiet. Maybe this is 'discipline', maybe it's normal, maybe it's nothing to do with God at all. But to be perfectly frank, I just am not enjoying it right now. Spending a lot of your day pleading inwardly at God to start playing by the rules detracts from the enjoyment of my actual life, and all the beautiful and good things in it. We'll see what I decide to do, but I'm probably on the side of happiness ;)

Oh! Happy Birthday Dom :)

Lucy
xxx