I am in the mood for pretty things, lace and chiffon and dusky rose and a *proper sunset* (not this cloudy wimpy flop dusk). I am aesthetically under-stimulated after coming back from Rome, and am having to scavenge around on Google Images for sepia pictures of pearls and bows etc. etc. I think it's because I downloaded Extraordinary Machine, and heart-twanging female singers have this effect.
Talking of hearts, mine stopped in that sickly way the other day when I realised I'd left my journal (as well as my house keys, idiot) at uni. This blog's about to get way more intimate in its absence :P
'I went crazy again today, looking for a strand to climb, looking for a little hope.'
Saturday, 28 March 2009
Wednesday, 25 March 2009
2
Flash Flash Flash
[As well as rejecting the old story because I feared it may go the way of Skins, if I'd have continued it further it would have merged into the *actual* long long story I'm already a quarter of the way through, and these were originally conceived as character backgrounds only. So! Enter Emilia, as a child, and her mother.]
Claire watched her. She didn't skip, she didn't hold hands or link arms with the other girls and chatter, whispering into each other's ears furtively, unable to stop looking at their gossip-target. She didn't tease the boys in that innocent playground prototype of flirting, didn't pinch them then run off giggling with flashing eyes and open mouths and trailing jumper. She didn't have boyfriends who gave her gifts of caterpillars or marry her with a daisy ring by the swings, or best friends that changed every week and insisted in having their hair and skirt and socks just the same. In fact, she had no friends, and her mother watched her climb into the grass bank with that beautiful blonde hair, that ash-blonde hair, that long, straight hair that all the other girls wanted to touch and pull because they couldn't replace their jealousy with hatred yet. She watched her take out a book - another book!? - and use that beautiful, ash-blonde, long, straight hair as a curtain - a silky wall between the world Emilia wanted to live in and the one she had to endure every day at school. And it broke Claire's heart - it broke when she saw her alone, it broke when Emilia came home with another bruise (and why didn't she stand up for herself? why didn't she even seem to care they were bullying her?), and it broke when she wished her daughter was one of the other girls, the normal girls with bobbing heads and scraped knees and tantrums. Emilia had never had a tantrum. Emilia had never told her she loved her.
And what of Anton? Her husband, her first and only love, the delicate-boned Frenchman she fell for in Paris aged 16, an official runaway hippy child. He was older - 24! - and experienced and intellectual: he played piano and painted, read European literature, and when he spoke he quoted French philosophers. And his accent! And the way he had taken control.. and, Claire thought aged 44, how he doesn't care about his daughter. How he doesn't care about me. How he cares only for his antiques and his dusty books and his pupils. She sighed, an alien in the playground herself, surrounded by women decades younger than her, and buttoned up her coat. She had given up waving goodbye years ago. Her daughter followed her husband.
Later, Emilia sat gravely at their kitchen table in the grey pinafore and knee-high socks, no sign of the usual scruffiness of children.
"Mama?"
Claire was buttering scones for her, her apron dusted with the flour of a housewife.
"Yes, darling?"
"I have decided what I might want to be when I'm a lady."
"Oh?" Claire secretly hoped it was 'ballerina' or 'nurse'.
"A teacher, like papa, or something else. I need to decide."
"A teacher is a lovely idea, Emi!" Claire was relieved, but tried to mask it with enthusiasm.
"And I'm not hungry. I'm going upstairs to decide."
And with this Emilia jumped off the chair, pushed it under the table and quietly walked upstairs to her room, leaving Claire holding a plate of scones and jam made for three, which once again, she would eat all to herself.
As Claire swallowed the final mouthful and wondered once more about the diet her husband had recommended, her daughters voice - unusually shrill - bounced down the stairs.
"Mama! I have decided, come see!"
The note in her daughter's voice, the speed, the pitch, the tone, alarmed Claire who climbed the stairs without her usual weary heaviness. On the landing stood Emilia, wrapped in a bed sheet holding a plastic pair of scissors and a book. A smile, an actual smile of genuine happiness and excitement had ripped her face in two. Claire was frightened.
"Look!" Emilia thrust the book in her face: it was the Bible. The sheet fell down to Emilia's shoulders and revealed spiky, uneven, patchy blonde hair. Strands of gold covered the bathroom floor.
"I'm going to be a nun."
Claire wanted to cry.
Claire watched her. She didn't skip, she didn't hold hands or link arms with the other girls and chatter, whispering into each other's ears furtively, unable to stop looking at their gossip-target. She didn't tease the boys in that innocent playground prototype of flirting, didn't pinch them then run off giggling with flashing eyes and open mouths and trailing jumper. She didn't have boyfriends who gave her gifts of caterpillars or marry her with a daisy ring by the swings, or best friends that changed every week and insisted in having their hair and skirt and socks just the same. In fact, she had no friends, and her mother watched her climb into the grass bank with that beautiful blonde hair, that ash-blonde hair, that long, straight hair that all the other girls wanted to touch and pull because they couldn't replace their jealousy with hatred yet. She watched her take out a book - another book!? - and use that beautiful, ash-blonde, long, straight hair as a curtain - a silky wall between the world Emilia wanted to live in and the one she had to endure every day at school. And it broke Claire's heart - it broke when she saw her alone, it broke when Emilia came home with another bruise (and why didn't she stand up for herself? why didn't she even seem to care they were bullying her?), and it broke when she wished her daughter was one of the other girls, the normal girls with bobbing heads and scraped knees and tantrums. Emilia had never had a tantrum. Emilia had never told her she loved her.
And what of Anton? Her husband, her first and only love, the delicate-boned Frenchman she fell for in Paris aged 16, an official runaway hippy child. He was older - 24! - and experienced and intellectual: he played piano and painted, read European literature, and when he spoke he quoted French philosophers. And his accent! And the way he had taken control.. and, Claire thought aged 44, how he doesn't care about his daughter. How he doesn't care about me. How he cares only for his antiques and his dusty books and his pupils. She sighed, an alien in the playground herself, surrounded by women decades younger than her, and buttoned up her coat. She had given up waving goodbye years ago. Her daughter followed her husband.
Later, Emilia sat gravely at their kitchen table in the grey pinafore and knee-high socks, no sign of the usual scruffiness of children.
"Mama?"
Claire was buttering scones for her, her apron dusted with the flour of a housewife.
"Yes, darling?"
"I have decided what I might want to be when I'm a lady."
"Oh?" Claire secretly hoped it was 'ballerina' or 'nurse'.
"A teacher, like papa, or something else. I need to decide."
"A teacher is a lovely idea, Emi!" Claire was relieved, but tried to mask it with enthusiasm.
"And I'm not hungry. I'm going upstairs to decide."
And with this Emilia jumped off the chair, pushed it under the table and quietly walked upstairs to her room, leaving Claire holding a plate of scones and jam made for three, which once again, she would eat all to herself.
As Claire swallowed the final mouthful and wondered once more about the diet her husband had recommended, her daughters voice - unusually shrill - bounced down the stairs.
"Mama! I have decided, come see!"
The note in her daughter's voice, the speed, the pitch, the tone, alarmed Claire who climbed the stairs without her usual weary heaviness. On the landing stood Emilia, wrapped in a bed sheet holding a plastic pair of scissors and a book. A smile, an actual smile of genuine happiness and excitement had ripped her face in two. Claire was frightened.
"Look!" Emilia thrust the book in her face: it was the Bible. The sheet fell down to Emilia's shoulders and revealed spiky, uneven, patchy blonde hair. Strands of gold covered the bathroom floor.
"I'm going to be a nun."
Claire wanted to cry.
Tuesday, 24 March 2009
1
Tuesday in Birmingham
OK, so it feels as though I have been away for years and years. What have I missed? What have *you* missed:
Rome, Rome. It was amazing, tiring, fast-moving and hot. Cultural! I am almost cultured out, so much art and architecture and thousand year history. And the churches you would not believe, honestly. I saw (my first) Catholic Mass standing between a velvet rope and Fra Lippi. I sat in the prayer room in St. Peter's, I admired the wealth and gilt monuments and magnitude whilst arguing religion before the altar. I saw nuns, monks, priests and Christ in *so many forms*. It's lucky Catholicism doesn't suit me (or so I think: I am good with the idea of gods, I am very good at the reverence of beauty and I'm amazing at guilt :P) or I'd be one step away from a convent by now.
And it's difficult to separate Rome from religion, although I do want to. If it's not religious, it's a display of status and wealth (which is better, honestly?), but nonetheless equally beautiful. I want to write that I am in love with that city, but I was too tired and still am to even process it fully. I ate far too much pizza.
After Rome I went to London (the heady atmosphere of Brighton, the sun-drenched columns of Rome and then the city lights of the capital!), and Exhaustion gripped me in its death hold, so much so I had to leave the Blues Bar really really early as I felt sicksicksick. Sorry to Dominic, Joshua and Niamh :) I still feel a bit ill, but a night in my own bed (our Rome room was small and smelt odd, and despite Dominic's new and much-improved quilt, it is always difficult to share a single bed!) is an amazing thought.
What else? My back is a bit bad, again - not fun - and I'm contemplating vegetarianism, again. Both bi-annual events, but not usually together. Oh and I desperately need a haircut.
Stay tuned for photos!
BB, Lucy
xxx
Rome, Rome. It was amazing, tiring, fast-moving and hot. Cultural! I am almost cultured out, so much art and architecture and thousand year history. And the churches you would not believe, honestly. I saw (my first) Catholic Mass standing between a velvet rope and Fra Lippi. I sat in the prayer room in St. Peter's, I admired the wealth and gilt monuments and magnitude whilst arguing religion before the altar. I saw nuns, monks, priests and Christ in *so many forms*. It's lucky Catholicism doesn't suit me (or so I think: I am good with the idea of gods, I am very good at the reverence of beauty and I'm amazing at guilt :P) or I'd be one step away from a convent by now.
And it's difficult to separate Rome from religion, although I do want to. If it's not religious, it's a display of status and wealth (which is better, honestly?), but nonetheless equally beautiful. I want to write that I am in love with that city, but I was too tired and still am to even process it fully. I ate far too much pizza.
After Rome I went to London (the heady atmosphere of Brighton, the sun-drenched columns of Rome and then the city lights of the capital!), and Exhaustion gripped me in its death hold, so much so I had to leave the Blues Bar really really early as I felt sicksicksick. Sorry to Dominic, Joshua and Niamh :) I still feel a bit ill, but a night in my own bed (our Rome room was small and smelt odd, and despite Dominic's new and much-improved quilt, it is always difficult to share a single bed!) is an amazing thought.
What else? My back is a bit bad, again - not fun - and I'm contemplating vegetarianism, again. Both bi-annual events, but not usually together. Oh and I desperately need a haircut.
Stay tuned for photos!
BB, Lucy
xxx
Tuesday, 10 March 2009
Monday, 9 March 2009
4
Monday before salsa
I have no idea where this fling with chocolate came from, but her and I are having some hot, passionate romance right now. I have never before had a sweet tooth, and my desserts have all had to contain lemon or lime or plain yoghurt to get me interested, but now a whole new world of chocolatey flirtation has opened up. I blame essay mental drain and drinking away my blood sugars earlier this year.
As you may or may not know, I have put up the picket against my own Flash Fiction because I have been ripped off by a certain popular teen drama show (but ooh how I love it. Do not love what Abbi mentioned, though, about the going too far sex stuff. That would not have happened in my beautiful and more-realistic-than-my-own-life imaginary world.) Fan never fear, because I have had a spark of possibly sugar-related inspiration and am currently excitedexcited about a continuation of my story (from which the Flash found its base). So, watch this space! I return triumphant, but only after dinner and salsa and feature spread stress.
BB, Lucy
xxx
P.S. Oh, and if anyone of you lovely and helpful people can tell me how to make Word go A3, I'll be most grateful.
As you may or may not know, I have put up the picket against my own Flash Fiction because I have been ripped off by a certain popular teen drama show (but ooh how I love it. Do not love what Abbi mentioned, though, about the going too far sex stuff. That would not have happened in my beautiful and more-realistic-than-my-own-life imaginary world.) Fan never fear, because I have had a spark of possibly sugar-related inspiration and am currently excitedexcited about a continuation of my story (from which the Flash found its base). So, watch this space! I return triumphant, but only after dinner and salsa and feature spread stress.
BB, Lucy
xxx
P.S. Oh, and if anyone of you lovely and helpful people can tell me how to make Word go A3, I'll be most grateful.
Sunday, 8 March 2009
1
Sunday?!
Wow, it's been a while. I'm currently in that place just before you can't keep your eyes open, ploughing through a little biography on Bosch.
So? A weekend punctuated by chocolate cheesecake, white wine and home-made student food. It seemed to go so fast, too! One minute I was watching Beauty and the Beast on YouTube, waiting, and then I was sitting on the train back from Brighton full of brunch. I like the quick visits, though, because I get less complacent and greedy, and it's easier to slip right back into those mundane things. (And only once without laughing, remember? :P)
More more more. We went to visit houses! A hunched up one and a far away one that ended with a contested run down the train carriage away from the (absent) ticket check. Still more this week, I think, but I'm so full of dates and times and schedules and things-to-do I can't really remember properly. How novel it will be though, a home!
OK, I'm tired and heavy and slightly stressed, so here's an example of what I spend my money being educated on:
So? A weekend punctuated by chocolate cheesecake, white wine and home-made student food. It seemed to go so fast, too! One minute I was watching Beauty and the Beast on YouTube, waiting, and then I was sitting on the train back from Brighton full of brunch. I like the quick visits, though, because I get less complacent and greedy, and it's easier to slip right back into those mundane things. (And only once without laughing, remember? :P)
More more more. We went to visit houses! A hunched up one and a far away one that ended with a contested run down the train carriage away from the (absent) ticket check. Still more this week, I think, but I'm so full of dates and times and schedules and things-to-do I can't really remember properly. How novel it will be though, a home!
OK, I'm tired and heavy and slightly stressed, so here's an example of what I spend my money being educated on:
Wednesday, 4 March 2009
3
Wednesday, with crisps
Oi oi!
Many many things. The TV Licence people are still stalking me and I'm frightened and Joel didn't help by pretending they're going to sue me. I went to salsa! which was possibly the funnest thing ever and I highly recommend it to everyone I know. (Does it say much about me that the only people I felt comfortable dancing with were the guy with rainbow dreads and the girl?). Laura and Anneka were on the radio. I went out, still drank and *stayed sober*. I did my presentation! Ipersuaded reminded / proved on the video to Dom that cannabis isn't white powder. I ate six packets of Hula-Hoops in two days. I found out who I'm sharing a room with for Rome, had a mini-crisis, then moved on. I got woken up 3 times in a week by one person. I failed a drunken Jaye, who broke a plate when I didn't supervise her. It wasn't her own. I've nearly finished the book on religion and neurobiology. I started Suite Francaise. I drank a whole carton of juice. Rekindled my love of juice. Got rained on.
EDIT: Realised I've missed a few crucial points. I haven't brushed my hair in a horrible length of time. I got a free umbrella from the bus driver. Forgotten the other one.
Many many things. The TV Licence people are still stalking me and I'm frightened and Joel didn't help by pretending they're going to sue me. I went to salsa! which was possibly the funnest thing ever and I highly recommend it to everyone I know. (Does it say much about me that the only people I felt comfortable dancing with were the guy with rainbow dreads and the girl?). Laura and Anneka were on the radio. I went out, still drank and *stayed sober*. I did my presentation! I
EDIT: Realised I've missed a few crucial points. I haven't brushed my hair in a horrible length of time. I got a free umbrella from the bus driver. Forgotten the other one.
Monday, 2 March 2009
3
Monday Lunchtime
Because Skins have stolen my storyline, and are doing it better, I'm boycotting the thing I was working on until they apologise.
This morning I felt weird and borderline panic-stricken. It was solved by some introspection, female singer-songwriters and wearing a new dress. As these things always are!
And so, I figured out it was writing and painting I missed. Wasn't in a prose mood, but I am infinitely more embarrassed over the poems than the little stories so it's staying on Microsoft Word for today.
Salsa tonight! Eee :D
BB, Lucy
xxx
This morning I felt weird and borderline panic-stricken. It was solved by some introspection, female singer-songwriters and wearing a new dress. As these things always are!
And so, I figured out it was writing and painting I missed. Wasn't in a prose mood, but I am infinitely more embarrassed over the poems than the little stories so it's staying on Microsoft Word for today.
Salsa tonight! Eee :D
BB, Lucy
xxx
Sunday, 1 March 2009
3
Sunday Sunday
Because I am literally the coolest person you will ever meet :|
100 truths
1. Last beverage→ Juice
2. Last phone call from→ Dominic
3. Last text message from → Dominic
4. Last song you listened to→ Hmm :S I don't know. Something RHCP?
5. Last time you cried→ A few days ago.
SIX HAVE YOU EVER:
1. Dated someone twice → Yes
2. Been cheated on?→ Yes
3. Kissed someone & regretted it?→ Nope
4. Lost someone special?→ Yes
5. Been depressed?→ No
6. Been drunk and threw up? → Yes
FOUR FAVOURITE COLOURS:
1. Orange
2. White
3. Purple
4. Beige
HAVE YOU:
1. Made new friends → Yes
2. Fallen out of love → Yes
3. Laughed until you cried → It's my hobby!
4. Met someone who changed you→ Yes
5. Found out who your true friends were → Yes
6. Found out someone was talking about you→ Probably. I can't remember. People talk about people all the time.
7. Kissed anyone on your friends list→ Yes
8. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life → All? Except a few randoms.
9. How many kids do you want to have or already have – Zero right now. I wouldn't be a good mother :P
10. Do you have any pets → Martha and Sophie :D
11. Do you want to change your name→ No
12. What did you do for your last birthday→ I went to Warwick Castle and Dominic forced me in the ghost tower and French people laughed at me and I was so scared I cut my neck on the guidebook.
13. What time did you wake up today → I don't want to talk about that.
14. What were you doing at midnight last night → I also don't want to talk about that. Probably stumbling around.
15. Name something you CANNOT wait for → Rome and Easter!
16. Last time you saw your father→ A long time ago. Christmas.
17. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life → Nothing, really. I like everything, and everything I don't like happens to make me a better person.
18. What are you listening to right now→ Helen and Jaye and Tom talking next door, Anneka and Laura cooking.
19. Have you ever talked to a person named Barry→ What an odd question. I don't know.
20. Most visited webpage → Facebook, probably. Because I am as cool as I said I was earlier.
1. What’s your full name→ Lucy Elizabeth Mason. How English can you possibly get.
2. Nicknames→ None?
3. Relationship Status → Content, in one. I don't like to say 'taken' because it reminds me of kidnappers or pirates or aliens.
4. Zodiac sign→ Virgo
5. Male or female or transgendered→ Female
6. Primary School → Lickey First and Middle School, brap
7. High School → Waseley Hills High School
8. College → Waseley Sixth Form
9. University → Sussex. The sunniest campus.
10. Hair colour → Brown, dull
11. Long or short → Too long :| I remember when it had a style.. I remember when I had style! :(
16. Height → 5′8″
17. Do you have a crush on someone? → *laughs at the word crush* No?
18: What do you like about yourself?→ I forgive
19. Piercings → Do I have some? Yes
20. Tattoos → No, but am getting one in Easter mit Mutter :)
21. Righty or lefty → Right-handed
FIRSTS :
22. First surgery → None
23. First piercing → Ears
24. First best friends → Probably Natalie or Emily. Or both at the same time. I remember it was quite tumultuous.
26. First sport you joined → Haha, pardon? No, I actually did used to do sport, before I became lazy and complacent. Probably tennis. Or netball.
27. First pet → Fish
28. First vacation→ I really don't know
29. First concert → Ha most likely something amazingly hip, like Daniel Bedingfield
30. First crush → I can't remember. In all honesty, I'm not a 'crush' person. I don't really think I've ever had one.
RIGHT NOW:
49. Eating → Nothing
50. Drinking → Nothing
52. I’m about to → Sit in bed and read about why people are biologically religious.
53. Listening to → As before, but with the addition of Joel.
55. Waiting for → Sitting in bed to read about why people are biologically religious, next weekend.
YOUR FUTURE :
58. Want kids? I can't say at this age!
59. Want to get married? No, or if so, without a cake.
60. Careers in mind? Ha! No
WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX? OR SAME!
68. Lips or eyes → Cheesy :| I haven't really made such a narrow comparison
69. Hugs or kisses → Hugs
70. Shorter or taller → Taller
71. Older or Younger → I don't mind
72. Romantic or spontaneous → Stupid question
73. Nice stomach or nice arms → Stupid, superficial question
74. Sensitive or loud → Sensitive
75. Hook-up or relationship → Relationship
77. Trouble maker or hesitant→ Stupid question
HAVE YOU EVER :
78. Kissed a stranger → No. Eugh except mouth rape guy but he definitely does not count.
79. Drank hard liquor → Haha! Like the cowboy I really am.
80. Lost glasses/contacts → No
81. Sex on first date → Probably [EDIT: Sorry, I thought this said 'Would you ever..?' and became confused. The answer is no, but I don't really do dates.]
82. Broken someone’s heart → Haha! No :)
83. Had your own heart broken → Yes
86. Turned someone down → Yes
87. Cried when someone died → Yes
88. Liked a friend that is a boy? → Yes
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
89. Yourself → Definitely.
90. Miracles → No, but I wish I did
91. Love at first sight → No, but I wish I did
92. Heaven → No, but I wish I did
93. Santa Claus → No, but I wish I did
95. Kiss on the first date? → Do I believe in this? Yes :S
96. Angels → No
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
97. Is there one person you want to be with right now? → Yes
98. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? → No
100. Posting this as 100 Truths? → What are these questions?!
